Self-healing psychology books

There is no universal book list that is suitable for everyone. The only criterion for judging whether a book is useful to you is that you do not feel preached when you read it, and you are willing to try to change even 1% of your behavior after reading it. This criterion is 100 times more effective than following the list of books recommended by Douban high scores, authoritative authors, and consultants.

The first time I had this realization was when the epidemic was under lockdown in 2020. At that time, I was so anxious that I could only sleep 3 hours a day for a week. I read the "must-read list for self-healing" listed by countless bloggers. I was so excited that I stocked up more than ten books, from Adler's "Inferiority and Transcendence" to the trauma-related "The Body Never Forgets", as well as the explosive The popular book "The Courage to Be Disliked" ended up falling apart after reading three books - the book all said "You have to accept your own imperfections" and "You have to learn to separate subjects." I cried at the words, feeling that I couldn't even "accept" and was simply the most useless person in the world. Later, I talked to my supervisor about this matter. She laughed at me and said that you were almost like an ant on a hot pot, and you still read professional books that need to be calmed down and digested slowly. Isn't this the same as forcing yourself to run a marathon when your fever reaches 39 degrees?

Oh, yes, there is a lot of controversy online about healing psychology books. Some people called "Mr. Toad Goes to a Psychologist" a "kindergarten-level chicken soup for the soul." Others said that after reading this book, they dared to make an appointment for psychological consultation for the first time.； Some people think that "Nonviolent Communication" is all correct nonsense, while others rely on the methods in the book to sit down and have a good talk with their mother who has been quarreling for three years for the first time. In fact, the essence is that everyone's demand stage is completely different. There is no right or wrong, it is just a matter of adaptability.

I came into contact with a client who had just experienced the death of a family member. She couldn't listen to any big ideas at that time. The doctor recommended her to do mindfulness. She couldn't even sit for 5 minutes. Later, she found a healing picture book about kittens in a bookstore. It had no words and was full of soft illustrations. She flipped through two pages every day for half a month, and for the first time she took the initiative to go out and bask in the sun. Would you say this book is a "qualified psychology book"? Certainly not by academic standards, but it was the best healing tool for her during that time.

Of course, I'm not saying that hard-core professional books are useless. I still have textbooks such as "Trauma and Recovery" and "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Basics and Applications" on my bookshelf. If you have passed the most painful acute attack period and want to systematically sort out your emotional patterns and figure out "why I always get into the same bad relationship" and "what are the roots of my people-pleasing personality", this kind of book can help you break down the vague feelings into clear logic, which is much more useful than trying to figure it out on your own for half a year.

Nowadays, many people have a misunderstanding. They think that when reading a self-healing book, you must "learn something" and you will be transformed after reading it. Last time, a little girl sent me a message and said that she had read "The Courage to Be Disliked" three times, but she still didn't dare to refuse her colleague's request for help with PPT. She felt that she was a failure. I told her that you don’t need to memorize the entire book to be useful. The next time your colleague asks you for help, you will first say “this is not my topic” in your mind. Even if you agree in the end, the three seconds of hesitation is already where this book helps you.

To be honest, I have absolutely no rules when it comes to choosing healing books. On my bookshelf, there are both rigorous clinical psychology works and non-nutritive healing comics. I even have an old version of "Andersen's Fairy Tales" that I bought when I was in elementary school. Sometimes after receiving emergency consultations from visitors late at night, when I feel a little emotionally exhausted, I just flip through two pages of fairy tales, which helps me recover faster than reading professional theory books. Some colleagues have argued with me before, saying that "non-professional psychology books have no healing effect at all and can only mislead people." I actually feel that there is no "correct path" to self-healing. You don't need to follow the book list given by others, and you don't need to force yourself to read hardcore content that you don't understand. These books are essentially just crutches. If they are comfortable for you to hold on and can help you walk two more steps, they are considered good books.

Oh, by the way, one last thing to mention. If when you read a certain healing book, the more you read, the more you think, "Why am I so bad?" or "I can't even do this." Don't doubt it. It's not your problem. It's just that this book is not suitable for you at the moment. Close it, throw it away, and go eat something delicious. It's better than anything else.