Social psychology of allergic children: How to help them build self-confidence

The core of helping a child with allergies build social confidence is never to eliminate the differences between him and other children, but to help him transform his "allergy" from an "invisible flaw" into a "personal characteristic that I can handle with ease."

I have been working in a children's allergy intervention center for nearly 6 years and have met nearly a thousand families with allergic children. The first thing many parents say when they come up is either "Can the teacher take more care of the child and not let his classmates know that he is allergic, so that everyone will not isolate him?" or "I have already said hello to all the parents in the class. I will worry about whoever dares to bring allergens to school." In fact, both of these approaches can easily push the child into an awkward position socially. I met a 7-year-old boy named Haohao who is allergic to mango. Every time the school gave out extra meals, he would hide in the corner and chew the bread he brought. When asked why, he said that the last time his classmates gave him dried mangoes, he said he couldn't eat them. Some people laughed at him, "I can't eat anything. I'm so squeamish." He never wanted to let others know that he was allergic. Later, we did not ask the teacher to specially hold a class meeting to emphasize "taking care of Haohao". Instead, when the topic of "little signals of the body" was taught in the nature class, Haohao was encouraged to raise his hand and share his own "little body alarm": "I am allergic to mango, and my mouth will swell into a small sausage if I eat even a little bit. So now when I look at the snack package, I first look at the ingredient list, and I look for mango ingredients better than my mother." " He also took out the allergy ointment he brought with him and showed it to everyone, saying, "If I accidentally touch a mango, just apply this on it. If you eat mango, just remember to wash your hands before touching me." After class that day, many children gathered around him asking questions. There was also a little boy who said he wanted to be his "mango scout." Later, when sharing snacks, everyone would take the initiative to ask, "Is there any mango in here?" Can Haohao be eaten? ”, he became the "little food safety consultant" in the class. Even during the autumn outing, he dared to take the initiative to share his special meal with everyone, "My little additive-free biscuits are more delicious than yours, but they don't have the mango flavor."

Of course, this does not mean that all children are suitable for this "public science popularization" approach. There are currently two very quarrelsome opinions on the Internet. One is that "allergic children are a vulnerable group and everyone should accommodate them." I once met a very introverted little girl who was allergic to dust mites. She was not allowed to have plush toys or carpets at home. She had never dared to invite friends to play at home before, for fear that others would think her home was strange. We did not force her to tell the class about her situation. We first helped her slowly explain to her best friend: "I am allergic to dust, so I don't have plush toys at home. But I have a lot of materials to make Doudou, and the small pendants I made are cuter than the dolls." Later, after my best friend came to play at home once, she took the initiative to tell other children, "Her house is very clean, and you can sit on the floor and play without getting dust, and it's super fun to do crafts." Gradually, many children took the initiative to want to play at her house, and she gradually dared to tell new friends about her allergies.

In fact, to put it bluntly, allergies are just like some people are born unable to drink milk, and some people are born unable to run 800 meters. It’s just that everyone’s body settings are different, and it is not a “defect” at all. Many times, children's low self-esteem is actually transmitted by the attitude of adults: if you sigh every time you mention your child's allergies, thinking that your child is "so unlucky", or if you are secretive every time you tell the teacher about it, as if you are hiding some secret, the child will naturally feel that "my problem is very embarrassing, and I can't let others know about it"” ； If you usually tell your relatives and friends openly, "Our baby is allergic to nuts, please don't add nuts to his meals." Your children will naturally think that this is a normal thing, and they won't be coy when telling others. What we want is never "everyone is accommodating", nor is it "forcing children to pretend to be normal." Even if someone does say, "Why are you so troubled?", don't feel aggrieved. Just say openly, "Yes, my body is a little special, it's better than going to the hospital." On the contrary, no one will make fun of it again. I have seen too many children with allergies. In the end, because of my understanding of allergies, I became a "health guru" among my friends. In fact, self-confidence has never been about "being the same as everyone else." If you accept your differences calmly, others will naturally accept your differences.